In a World of Darkness

                                      

I know what it’s like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you can’t; how you hurt yourself on the outside; to try to kill the thing that’s in the inside. Sometimes I think that if I wasn’t so good at pretending to be, I’d be better at actually being happy. Days are things to try to get through, trying to keep that motivation, that inspiration, that dedication but yet all you can think about is the expiration. It’s like a black cloud that floats above your head making everything seem like a paper cut in between your fingers. I know how it feels I have been there. But let me tell you, the thing you are thinking right now, it’s not the answer. There are ways of feeling different, it’s hard to get off that addiction, yes I said addiction, you’re addicted to that feeling of sadness and hatred. Find the one thing that makes you happy, grab that and hold it close to your heart. Its saved me and if you feel the same it may just help you.

                                              

Judgement.

Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “he’s a tool” or “she’s a skank”. But you don’t really who they really are. That is what I want to talk about, people making fun of others just to lift themselves up. But you don’t know them or their story. That class clown who needs to make everyone laugh, well he really gets no attention from his parents. That dumb kid in the back of the class, well he has struggled with learning all his life and spends 2 hours at home just trying to keep up. That skanky girl who gets down with every guy she can, well she was sexually abused. The point is everyone has a back ground, a life changer, a life screwier. Next time you start to think like that, don’t. Don’t be a bully, don’t be a jerk. No one likes when people talk bad about them. Worry more about yourself and your life. 

Thinking Thoughts

What am I thinking about? That is a good question… I’m thinking about the future and the past, but yet not of the now. I’m thinking about how happy my dog is, why is he happy?... He’s a dog. I’m thinking about who I am, cause I don’t really know. I’m thinking about my best friend six feet in the ground, and I’m thinking and asking why? I’m thinking why do good people get cancer? I’m thinking why are all the good people dying? Why am I still here? Why was I chosen to live? What is my purpose? I’m thinking about my family and how different I am from them. I’m thinking about my dead uncle who was born with cystic fibrosis and why did he deserve to die when he finally got new lungs. I’m thinking about my girlfriend and how weird it is to feel like this with someone… I’m thinking about the open road and my longboard, just close my eyes and the world stop’s…. but only for a minute. I’m thinking about the abuse of power in the world, and how in no way I can help. I’m thinking about how much I think about things. I’m thinking about why they call it the birds and the bees… I’m thinking about why I am the way I am. I’m thinking that this will never end; I’m wishing it will end.  I’m thinking why people change. I’m thinking why I change.

RUNNIG AWAY.

Run away from this, run away from that that. I wish I could run away to Italy and own a vineyard. Running away is sometimes the only answer, the question is why? What possesses a person to run away? It’s because since preschool, people tell us we can do whatever you want. But as we grow up we start to find things we like. But then sooner or later we relies that it’s not true and life will step on you and smash you like a bug. When someone once wanted to be the president and now he is working at Mc Donald’s. Why is that? Because life sucks, and that is why I want to run away from life. From the world I live in. but I can’t because this is what we do we become cattle the big business thrive on. There needs to be a lower class for CEOs to make big money. I am down here I want to start new; I want a new chance to live. Nelson once asked ”what do you want to be when you grow up?” and every one said a job but one kid said “to be happy”. Really everyone wants that but we are told a job will make you happy cause you get money. I say NO, I want to own a vineyard and will make wine for the rest of my life, it may sound lame but I just want to be happy. And right now I am far from happy.